The One Where the Marauders Go to CVS
by ThePianoKnowsNothing
Summary: Title's pretty self explainatory. Includes condom balloons and slushy machines. Continue if you dare. Two OC's James' little sister and her best friend Very faint SBOC and RLOC. And I mean VERY faint.


**Oh, hey there. This is a prompt, given to me by my best friend, Val. The prompt was CVS. So. Here it is.**

**It's faintly implied Sirius/OC and Remus/OC, but VERY faintly. So. You have to look for it.**

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_The One Where The Marauders Go To CVS_

Sirius thinks summer should be easy. He also thinks he should be sleeping right now. Neither of these pertain to his current situation, because his best friend's little sister (that's _all_ she is to him, he swears) is making things difficult. And he's _not_ sleeping (although he didn't really have a say in _that_ matter.)

Jessica Potter is making things v_ery_ difficult for him. It's the first Saturday of summer, so of _course_ her best friend—who's, unfortunately, staying at the Potter residence along with him, Remus, and Peter—decided to wake them all up because she was tired of putting up with Jess' moodiness all by herself. And of _course_, Jess declared they were going to go to some stupid muggle corner store. And _of course_ Mrs. Potter is making the boys go with them for 'protection against muggers'. What the hell is a mugger, even?

"Uh," Sirius says, and Val sighs.

"For Merlin's sake, guys. It's a drug store. There's nothing bad there," Jess rolls her eyes, grabs James by the arm and pulls him towards her car. Peter opens the gas tank, pokes a finger inside.

Remus sighs and yanks Peter's arm away, hissing, "Do you _want_ to blow up?"

Peter eyes the car fearfully, say, "Um. No?"

James leans against the driver's door, which prevents Jess from getting in. She raises and eyebrow at her brother. "I dunno, Jess. I mean, the name itself sends off warning bells. _Drug _store. How do I know you're not just taking us there to buy, I dunno, _drugs_?"

"Because I'm hormonal and I need pads," she says flatly. Val stifles a snort into her sweatshirt sleeve. Jess crosses her arms, like, 'do you seriously wanna try me?'

"Right," Sirius says, awkwardly, and Remus claps a hand to his face. (Val snorts again, mutters, "Face palm," and Remus smiles a little.)

"So I suggest you let me get in my car, James, because Merlin help me, I will _sit on you _and _bleed all over you face,_" Jess says, and her tone's menacing. James steps out of the way.

The drive from the Potter's house to the drug store was short, and they probably could have walked. Truthfully, Jess would have rather walked. She can barely drive the car they bought for 'appearances'—they live in a muggle neighborhood—and it would have been much easier to apparate. Which is something they couldn't have done anyway, for the same reason. The boys are _unbearable_ to be with as it is, and a confined area makes it just that much worse. Jess is pretty sure she's got a new respect for Lily Evans.

Jess kept making sharp turns and cutting corners, and Val kept shouting every time the car almost tipped over. Peter was deathly afraid of the honking horns—and believe me when I tell you that they received many. James was a horrible back seat driver (he doesn't even know how to drive, so Jess isn't sure how this even makes sense.) Remus was grumpy the whole ride, griping about speed bumps and the headache he's getting—apparently, it's both Remus _and_ Jess' time of the month, but for completely different reasons. Sirius was fascinated by all the buttons on the dashboard, and, well, that was partially Jess' fault for letting him sit in the passenger seat.

In the parking lot, Sirius tries to get out of the car while it's still moving. Jess slams on the breaks and Sirius manages to hold onto the open door to steady himself. He hops down like nothing's happened, and asks, "Coming, guys?" He receives a bunch of wide eyes and a death glare from Remus.

They manage to make it across the parking lot with a few minor mishaps—James thought it would be funny to push Peter in front of a moving car—and Jess stops them outside of the front doors.

"Guys, please try to behave, okay?" She asks slowly, and Remus gives an indignant huff.

"Remus, keep them under control," Val amends, and Sirius lets out a small noise of protest. "No. _Bad_," Val says, gives him a light tap on the nose. Sirius scrunches up his nose, because, _seriously_?

James rolls his eyes. He pushes past his sister and is prepared to push the doors open, when, woah, why are the doors sliding away?

"…I thought muggles couldn't do magic?" he whispers, eyes wide. Sirius is there in a second, and the doors slide back together when no one walks through.

"Woah," Sirius says, and he shoves his hand forward. The doors slide open once again, and Remus makes an annoyed sound, like, 'do you see what I have to put up with _every day_?'

Peter watches in a sort of morbid fascination as the doors shut again. Val winks at Jess and moves up behind him quietly. She gives him a hard shove and he stumbles toward the door, which open just in time for Peter to fall through them. He gives a startled screech and James yells out, "Peter, no!"

Sirius closes his eyes, moans, "He was so young!" and Remus just stands there looking unimpressed.

"Wow," Jess says, raises an eyebrow, "Are you serious? Peter, get up."

Peter cracks on eye open, gasps, "I'm alive!"

James yells out in victory, pumps a fist into the air. Val and Jess share a long, exasperated look. Sirius claps a hand to his heart in relief and Remus continues to be very, very unimpressed. Val walks through and steps over Peter, dragging a giggling Jess with her. She ignores a laughing cashier as he asks, "What the hell is wrong with your friends?" and the other cashier hisses, "Alex!"

Jess looks over her shoulder to wink at the cute cashier named Alex just as Sirius and James walk through with Remus behind them. Peter continues to lie on the floor, singing some stupid theme song he made up. The other cashier gives him a weird look, and Alex murmurs, "Told you, Zack."

Sirius gives Alex a glare and the older boy looks startled. They follow the girls to an isle that's filled with girly-necessities and that's when Sirius realizes that he _really_ doesn't want to be here. Like, at all.

Jess picks up a box of some weird-shaped things called 'tampons'—seriously, what the hell?—and shoots the three boys a weird look.

"Where's Peter?" she asks, and James shrugs.

"Back there," he points towards the front of the store where Alex-The-Cashier is now throwing bits of paper at Peter's face.

"He seems charming," Val deadpans.

"Eh," Jess shrugs, and then turns to the Marauders. "Okay. I'm going to give you five muggle dollars each and you are going to go and not get killed, understand?"

Sirius nods obediently and Remus takes the money and distributes it equally. James shoots off towards the slurpy machine in the back of the store, yelling, "WHAT DOES THIS THING DO?"

Remus sighs—he does that a lot, actually—and answers, "How should I know?"

Zack-The-Cashier is now watching them all in open suspicion.

Val sighs a long, suffering sigh. Jess pats her back consolingly, says, "At least you don't have to live with two of them."

Sirius looks mildly affronted, before he takes off after his best friend. James is standing in front of the mysterious machine, wondering which lever he should pull first. Luckily, Sirius decides for him and pulls two levers at once—the one under the purple-swirly-thing and the one under the blue-swirly-thing. Sirius isn't exactly sure what the mush is that spills onto the floor, so he bends down, sticks a finger in it, and tastes it. James looks horrified, whispers, "What if it's _poison_, Padfoot?"

"Then I'll die a happy man, because this tastes bloody good," Sirius says. Remus looks exasperated as he reaches of their heads and grabs a cup.

"You put it in this," he says, and James lets out a short laugh. Remus sighs. "What, Prongs?"

"What do you put in the cup, Moony?" James asks, snickers a little. Sirius rolls his eyes.

"Prongs, that is _so _juvenile," he chides him, and then proceeds to pull all the levers in quick succession, whispering, "Mate, look at all the _colors_! Think they all taste different?"

Peter wanders to the back of the store and slips on the purple goo. He ends up flat on his back, his three friends staring down at him. He lets out a short giggle. "It's _purple!_"

"Wormtail! Mate, your hair! It's blue!" James says excitedly, referring to how Peter's head landed in the blue mess that Sirius made.

Sirius is downing his concoction, grinning. "How come I've never found this before?"

James isn't listening, instead choosing to wander down a deserted isle. He picks a box up at random and reads the front. "Can-dums. Moony? What's a Candum?"

Remus peaks his head around the corner, says, "It's what muggles use so they don't have, like…accidents."

"Accidents?"

Remus looks awkward. "Like, babies. And stuff."

"Oh," James looks completely blank. "Like a contraception charm."

"Yes, James," Remus rolls his eyes.

"Oh. Okay."

"REMUS! LOOK! I'M MAKING THE GOO DANCE!"

"Oh dear Merlin," Remus mutters.

While Remus tears around the corner to stop Sirius from making an idiot of himself, James rips open the box he's holding and unwraps a so-called 'condom'. He stretches it a little and lets snap back, laughing quietly.

When Remus rounds the corner, Sirius has his wand out. He's levitating the purple goo—now mixed with orange and red to make this weird brown color—and letting it hover and drip onto Peter's head.

"PADFOOT!" Remus snaps, and Sirius startles. The goo drops onto Peter's head as Sirius looses his concentration.

"My face is sticky," Peter whimpers, and James rounds the corner.

"Look, guys, it's a balloon!" he exclaims, holding up a blown-up condom. Remus looks positively mortified.

"James, put that down," he hisses, and James shrugs.

"Okay," he says, and he lets his 'balloon' go. The thing flies around the area until it finally sputters out of air and lands on Sirius' head.

"Oh, wow," Val giggles hysterically as she steps up behind Remus. Jess looks slightly annoyed. She plucks the thing off of Sirius' head.

"Okay, what is this? And why is Peter covered in slurpy?"

"That's a condom," James says smartly, and Jess gives him a weird look.

"What?"

Val starts laughing. "Why did you blow it up?"

James looks a little affronted. "It looked like a balloon."

"Of course it did."

"It did!"

"Hey, why's that blinky thing…blinking?" Sirius asks, and he points towards a bright red circle above the little colorful swirly things.

James' eyes widen. "What if it's about to explode?"

"It's not going to—" Remus starts, but suddenly he's being yanked towards the front of the building by Val, who's yelling, "DUCK AND COVER! IT'S ABOUT TO EXPLODE!"

Alex-The-Cashier yelps and ducks under his counter. Zack-The-Cashier just kind of rolls his eyes as Jess throws a ten dollar bill on the counter and runs right through the open doors. Val, Remus, James and Sirius follow and they all pile into the car.

Peter huffs and puffs after them, and just as the car's pulling away he calls, "Wait! You forgot me! Guys! Um…guys?"

Peter sighs, sits down on the curb. Alex-The-Cashier walks up behind him and claps a hand to his shoulder.

"Ah well. Tough luck, buddy," he's sucking on a straw that's connected to a cup with a funny round lid on it. Alex-The-Cashier looks at him oddly. "Um, kid. You've got a little…slushy in your hair…"

Peter groans.


End file.
